Meeting Our Children

As of 2/11/22 we are pregnant with twins! In some ways it took so long to get here but in others it came so fast. I have taken some time to write this, and I apologize in advance, but I want to walk you guys through the timeframe of the days leading up to the transfer, the transfer itself, and how we are feeling now. This is a full blog post but such a joy to reflect on!

Days Leading to The Transfer:

Not much changed in our protocol leading up to the transfer, we had been doing daily injections of Progesterone Oil as well as continuing our normal medications of Estrogen. We had a phone call with our coordinator a few days prior that discussed what to expect that morning, and some of the recovery as well as increasing the dosage in some of my meds. As we prepared for the transfer, my husband filled with excitement and I filled with fear.

So many thoughts flooded my head from the time I woke until the time I fell asleep: “what if my body can’t handle this?”, “What if we lost all 3 of our children?”, “How am I going to handle the worst?”. As I have mentioned before, there are stages to this transfer process, all of them causing extreme anxiety. First, would be the thawing stage, where we were to thaw 2 of our embryos in hopes they both survive. However, the chances of both making it were low as the process is extensive and one of our embryos was especially weak. We had to mentally prepare to walk out without any of our children.

I felt guilty for not having much excitement, and not having the same feelings as my husband but the fears I had were overwhelming. During this time, I was surrounded by my incredible friends and women in our church. We were prayed for daily, prayed over, and some women even gave me a journal with encouragement to reflect on in the upcoming months. Leading up to the transfer there was many tears shed but so much relief as we sat in prayer often reflecting on how good our Lord has been and how he is faithful.

The Day of The Transfer:

Our transfer was early in the morning, and felt like a total whirlwind, probably because I was drugged. In the morning we had breakfast, sat in prayer, took our medicine and headed to the clinic. As soon as we checked in we were rushed to a room and asked to take a Valium to relax. Our room had two large tv’s to watch the procedure on as well as the ultrasound machine. We had to wait 30 minutes for my medication to kick in, and most of that was sitting in silence and anticipation.

Our doctor walked in at that point with a photo of our 2 beautiful embryos, both surviving the thaw. They had begun the thaw that morning and knowing they both survived gave me such relief. My husband was so excited to see them and I was so eager to feel them. Once we confirmed the twins were ready to start the procedure, they showed us another photo of the stage of our embryos just a few minutes prior to the procedure. By the time of the transfer they began “hatching” meaning they were continuing to have cell division and growing into the next gestational stage. This is an incredible sign, and at this point I was so overwhelmed with gratitude, I could start at them forever.

They had me lie down and all I could focus on at this point was 1.) holding still as it was crucial to leading to a successful transfer procedure. And 2.) holding my bladder, between them pushing on my stomach and the 32 oz of water required a few hours prior, I had to pee so badly! I couldn't quite figure out what was happening as it was so fast, but I was so grateful my husband was able to experience it. The doctor showed us in real time on the ultrasound where the catheter was, and then seeing them actually being implanted. Yes, we saw implantation happen in real time! That is not something many get to experience, and although it's totally abnormal, it was so beautiful.

The procedure was not even 5 minutes long and we were left to lay down for 15-20 minutes before leaving. As soon as we were alone, I was filled with emotion that for the very first time, in that moment my children felt human touch, they felt warmth, they had a mother. I still tear up about it and don’t ever plan on changing.

After that we went home, I was on bedrest for a few days and we sat and talked about the reality of what had just happened, and how to prepare for what is to come. We had many facetime calls, sharing both photos and tears about the reality that we were united with our children.

Where We Are Now:

Well, as of today we are 13 days post transfer and I am pretty sure I have taken at least 50 pregnancy tests. We had to wait 10 days for our blood HCG beta test and I am not that patient so I started taking pregnancy tests as early as the day after the procedure. To our relief, we got our first positive 4 days post transfer and they have only gotten darker since then. We had our first beta test which showed good confidence that both our little ones are still snuggled up with us. We have another test this upcoming week but as confident as I feel right now, I know how quickly things could change, and how anxious the first trimester can be. For the time being we are going to continue to dwell in Gods goodness and provision, pray for our children to stay with us as long as He calls them to be, and grow in hope for our family.

Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me,

for I am poor and needy.

Preserve my life, for I am godly;

save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God.

Be gracious to me, O Lord,

for to you do I cry all the day.

Gladden the soul of your servant,

for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,

abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;

listen to my plea for grace.

In the day of my trouble I call upon you,

for you answer me.

There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,

nor are there any works like yours.

All the nations you have made shall come

and worship before you, O Lord,

and shall glorify your name.

For you are great and do wondrous things;

you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O Lord,

that I may walk in your truth;

unite my heart to fear your name.

I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,

and I will glorify your name forever.

Psalm 86: 1-12