Loving 3 but "Choosing" 2

We officially announced our adoption yesterday, which was full of so much encouragement, support and love from our friends and family, as well as fellow believers we love dearly. My dear husband has been working tirelessly to write a thorough and well informed statement of why we choose to pursue this to grow our family. Over the last 6 months we have struggled over how to approach the topic when this can be very controversial in the public eye. We were overwhelmed with the reaction and generosity of the people around us, and we will be forever grateful for that.

However, today we woke up to a new statement from the facility we are working with, that made it feel as if we were starting from the very beginning…

As mentioned before, we have adopted 3 beautiful little embryos who we love dearly, our hope and intention was knowing the risks, we would transfer all 3 into my womb in an attempt to let them out of this frozen incarceration they have been in for years. We have studied, and spoken to many people over these risks when discussing this pursuit, and felt comfortable enough to attempt this process. When we first met with our facility in which the transfer will be taking place, one of the first questions I asked was “How many embryos will you allow to be transferred and what grade qualifications must the embryos have?” At the time, we were informed we could transfer any amount with any grading as it was up to our discretion. We now know that question was not clear enough and there was severe miscommunication in the conversation..

We woke up to an email from our doctor performing our transfer, notifying us that they will only transfer 2 of the 3 embryos and it was non negotiable. The reason being I am young, healthy, and the embryos were at a stage where it is likely they will survive this procedure. This is an exciting statement in which we hope would have been the outcome, however transferring all 3 would be, and I quote “only added danger and no benefit”. No benefit? Welcoming a 3rd child who could be frozen for years to come, into our warm and loving home would be of no benefit? I have been quite upset to say the least.

We are very aware of how dangerous this process could be to transfer and carry multiples, but we do not place that cost over these children's lives. For a doctor to so lightly disregard a human being because they now have concern for their safety, when they didn’t have a care for them when they froze the embryos years ago angers and saddens me to no end.

Once I calmed down, looking into the guidelines that the ASRM sets, we understand how this is non-negotiable for the facilities as they are what they need to uphold in order to keep their licensing, and the guidelines states the following:

With us being young, and our blastocysts being healthy this puts us as far from being candidates for high-order multiples than anyone else. So what do we do now? What do we do with our 3rd child? Whether I put them in harm's way by transferring 3 or leaving one behind to freeze a while longer, it makes me feel like I am already failing them as a mother.

I wish we had a concrete plan, right now we feel uneasy about any option to be honest. As we are calling every clinic in the state, country, and even reaching out to some clinics in Canada, our only option may be to have one embryo stay frozen for a while longer until we are allowed to attempt to rescue them. This is opposite of what we want, and I pray we have other options, but our Lord is a good and sovereign God, who allows everything for his Glory. No matter how many fears arise during this challenge (which I'm sure is one of many to come), I know we can trust in Him and he will provide a way that is most honoring to him and most sanctifying to us. As we navigate this new and very difficult decision, we ask for your prayers- not only for us but also for those three little babies. Pray God provides wisdom and direction in this process and we will do what is best for our kids, even if that means it takes a little longer to meet them.