Next Steps

We started our first set of hormones today! This was a huge step as this is the first physical step closer to transferring our sweet little ones! For our protocol we are starting with 10 days of oral medication to prepare my body for hormonal injections, and we anticipate quite a reaction both physically and emotionally. Having a hormone disorder, my hormone levels are extremely low to begin with. So increasing my hormone levels by 15 times their amount in a week's time frame could ensure some physical toll, but more importantly, a house full of chocolate! We promised ourselves we would document every step of this journey and this was a big step, so I thought I would share some of my thoughts so far:

I am excited. I know this means we are just one step closer to holding our children in our arms, and that we will grow our family in a way that we can cherish forever. I am excited to lean into my husband in a way I haven't experienced! I am excited to continue to share this with loved ones and educate others.

I am scared. Actually I am terrified. Even though this means we are one step closer to growing our family, it can also mean we are one step closer to potentially losing our family. I try so hard to not think that way, but I have to understand the reality we are entering and prepare a bittersweet hope that may result from this. I am scared of the hormone process, starting off with medication orally really relieved some of the stress I have but there is a fear of the injections, no one wants to give themselves shots every day! I know many women go through this, and it's very much so worth every pinch, but nonetheless nerve wrecking.

I take many things for granted.This week I found myself so discouraged and frustrated with our clinic, lack of communication among multiple parties, and feeling so lost in our next steps. A dear friend reminded me that our babies have made it safely and we ought to be praising God. How foolish of me to dwell in anger while we have from what we know, healthy embryos that we are so close to carrying! Our God is good! Through each step I prepare to be exhausted, frustrated, anxious, and every feeling in between, so to remind myself daily of the many blessings the Lord has given in this process should bring me to my knees.

I anticipate a much more descriptive update as we proceed with hormones and inch closer to transfer day, but in the time being this is my personal reminder (and I hope a reminder to you as well) that our Lord is good, and his blessings are countless.

“​​Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” -Colossians 3:16